Thursday, July 30, 2009

Down in the dumps would have been an understatement.

I was,
-incredibly Sad
-more emotional than ever.
-in need of my mom.

-had the biggest lump in my throat.
-couldn't tell anyone how I felt.
-(in my mom's words) was a mess.
-hate the way this is.
Last night was by far one of the toughest nights I have ever experienced. Why? I woke up sad, and it only got worse. I don't know why. When Jerry took me home, I didn't want him to leave. We drove around for a minute. I cried uncontrollably and I couldn't tell him why I was so upset. I knew he was tired and I told him just to go home, and that I would be fine. Once I got inside my house I knew I wouldn't be fine. I missed my mom, I missed my happy life, I miss my happy dad, and I miss my some what normal life. Sometimes I honestly think I'm crazy. So I went to talk to Rani (Jerry's step mom). Sometimes you just need a mom. And I did, more than ever. I called Jerry after I left her house, and we talked and cried for awhile. I yelled at him for all the things that I think are going wrong, and he apologized, even though he didn't need to. I guess I just needed to complain about stuff. And I am so sorry for everything I yelled at Jerry about. We didn't get to bed till late. I said the longest bed time prayer I have ever said. I know. Things will get better some day....
I believe everything is better in the morning. And luckily today was no exception. Although I'm still a little sad, I'll be okay.
A reading from the holy gospel according to John

Everything that the Father gives me will come to me,
and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away;
for I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will,
but the will of him who sent me.
And this is the will of him who sent me,
that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me,
but raise it up on the last day.
This is indeed the will of my Father,
that all who see the Son and believe in him may have eternal life;
and I will raise them up on the last day."
The Gospel of the Lord.

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