Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I'm so incredibly scared.

I'm on the verge of tears. I am so incredibly nervous to go to this interview. Oh I hope everything goes okay. I hope I don't screw it up. It's suppose to snow today, and it has already started in the mountains. I am just so petrified, scared out of my wits and shaky.

Here goes nothing.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Wednesday's the day!

The final step of the application process is tomorrow! Tomorrow it is!!! I will meet with 3 advisers for an interview. [[Does that sound like the scariest thing you could possibly think of??? I think so!!!]] I also have a 2 page paper due tomorrow that must explain my reasoning for choosing the education field, and any past teaching experiences I have encountered. I am so incredibly nervous. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. It's so so scary!!! My biggest fear is the chance that they will ask me something, and I will have no idea what to reply. :S Oh sheesh, wish me luck. If it's luck I need. Or...pray for me, yes do that. Pray my nerves don't get the best of me. I pray too, I pray that I can prove to these random three individuals in which I have never met, that I can be the teacher I want to be so badly. Whew, here goes nothing. What have I got to lose?
Dare to dream, dare to try, dare to fail, dare to succeed.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Thankful Thurday

As usual, you don't realize how lucky you truly are until you sit down and list the things you are thankful for.

This Thursday I am thankful for:

* My special dad. No one could ask for a better friend, hero, dad and advice giver. When ever I need someone to tell me I can do it--he's there!

* Rani, who has scheduled a wellness check up for me tomorrow. Although I am not looking forward to the appointment, and getting my blood drawn, I am thankful for the health care that I am able to receive and the health insurance that allows such health care to be affordable.

*And while talking about the subject, I am thankful that our government is working toward a socialized health care system. I can just imagine how excited my mom would be!! All my life she would tell me about socialized health care systems, she always believed that's what America needed.

*I am thankful for my beautiful sister, who texts me to tell me she loves me, even though she is very busy.

*I am thankful for a sweet lady who I met through blogger. She is a special lady with a big heart. It's amazing how people come into your life at just the right time.

*I am thankful for Jerry. What an amazing boyfriend he is. He meets me after class, walks me to other classes, helps me make dinner and even helps me clean up. :)

*I am thankful for all of you who pray for my dad and I. I know God is listening. :)

*And forever, I am thankful for my beautiful guardian angel in Heaven!

So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done.
-- Marian Wright

Sunday, September 20, 2009

All things considered...

As Jerry and I began our regular Sunday trek of 76 miles from Wyoming to Utah I noticed that he was very quiet. He wasn't talking and he wasn't singing, which is quite unusual for Jerry. So I asked him, "are you okay?" He replied, "yes." So I continued, "are you angry?" "No" "Are you sad?" "No" Finally I asked,"are you happy?" "Yes" he said. Just to keep the conversation going I asked, "Are you really happy?" He said, "no." I asked why, and he explained he was a little sad because he worked on his car today and it didn't turn out like he wanted. The quietness took over the car again and I began to think. What does it mean to be happy? How do we assess whether we are truly happy or not? Do we pull out a scale, placing the things we are happy about on one side, and the things we are unhappy about on the other? Once the scale finally balances, if the happy side hangs lower than the unhappy side we consider our selves happy? Of course none of us have scales, and we are unable to physically weigh our emotions and experiences. But happiness is important. Everyone wants to be happy. We work our whole live to make our self happy, or to make others happy. We go to college, to get a job that will make us happy. We fall in love because that special someone makes us happy. We buy the expensive car that we have always wanted. We wear trendy clothes and buy things we can't afford We watch comedies because they make us laugh. We do all of this in an attempt to make ourself happy. Is happiness really all that important?
Should the focus of our life be happiness? Should we spend the remainder of our lives searching for happiness? Or should our lives be spent helping others find happiness in their journey? The truth is I have no idea. I know that making other people happy, makes me happy. I feel that it is well worth it to improve someone's day with a laugh or a hug. I believe God has a plan for us, he puts people in our lives to make us happy, to make us appreciate the life we have been given and to help others find happiness. But I think there is more to life than finding material things that we believe will make us happy. There is something within us. A true happiness, that can not come from material things, jobs or even money. It is within the relationships and lessons learned where this true internal happiness lies. At this point in my life I feel that I have achieved this happiness within myself. Even when things go wrong, I know everything will be okay, it will be better in the morning and I always have that happiness inside of myself. I hope that you too, find yourself truly happy. I hope your scale is loaded with happiness and is spared all unhappy things. :)
Don't worry, be happy.

In other news: Other than the CAPP test that I had to take, this weekend was a good one. Rani and I decorated my mom's grave for Fall. It turned out so pretty. I know she likes it. :) I also decorated my house so that my dad could enjoy the decorations as well. :)

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
*Albert Camus

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thankful Thursday

Today is a good day to be thankful. I have been a little grumpy, and 'complainy' this week. It is nice to think of the things that I am thankful for, to remind myself that I am a pretty lucky girl after all. :)

As always, I am thankful for my beautiful guardian angel in Heaven. I am thankful that she protects me everyday and helps me to make good decisions.

I am thankful today especially because while turning in my teaching application I didn't have to turn in my WWCC transcript which reveals the D's in which I regretfully have on my untransfered transcript.

I am thankful for the movie which will be played outside my room very soon. I have a perfect view from my bed. Stadium seating, complete with surround sound. Instead of sitting on the cold grass, we will be sitting on my warm bed. I am ever so thankful for this warm bed. :)

I am thankful for Shake and Bake, which made our dinner delicious tonight. :P

I am thankful for Facebook, which allows me to keep in touch with my friends that are spread all over Wyoming and Utah.

I am thankful for the beautiful mountains in my backyard. I have the most beautiful view from my dorm room. :) If I could build a house right here, and live here for the rest of my life, I most definitely would.

I am thankful that the oil field is picking back up, and my dad is getting more and more work everyday.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
-- Oprah Winfrey

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

College field trip :)

Today for our Environmental Appreciation class, Jerry and I went on a field trip (yeah I know, I didn't know there were field trips in college either), with the people from our class as well as some others. We went up into the mountains and talked about all sorts of things. We stopped many places like, Rockport Dam, The Provo River, Bald Mountain and Lilly Lake. At each place one of the teachers would teach us something, one of them taught us about Algae, another taught us about having a wilderness experience, another one taught us about regaining power and one lady taught us about the Autumn leaves. There were other lessons, all of which were quite interesting. I am glad we went. I really wish there was someway that we could preserve nature as we know it. Sadly, our environment is being ruined. What a beautiful world we live in, let's protect it. :)

Lilly Lake
Jerry. :)
Bald Mountain
My teacher.

Clouds over Coalville early this morning.

He was very compassionate about Algae.

The Provo River.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Maybe being a hobo wouldn't be so bad?

So this is the week! This is the week that my teaching application is due. This is the week that I have to take the CAPP test. This is the week that I have dreaded since the beginning of my college career. And.....this week has made me sick, this week has made me stressed beyond belief, this week has made me angry. Maybe my self confidence is so low that, I just think I am going to fail. Or maybe, God is preparing me for a huge letdown....or maybe, just maybe, God is preparing me for the biggest celebration of my life. Oh I hope that is it! I want to be a teacher more than anything in the world. I am so worried about my Western Wyoming Transcript and the D's that appear on it because I failed to drop the classes that I decided not to finish. I am so worried about the huge test in which I have to complete. I am so worried that during my interview the advisers will decide, "maybe next time." It is hard for me to calm myself down and realize that everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew someone from my class that is applying, however, all of them are waiting until next semester, or next year. I barely have enough credits to apply, because I took a few college courses during high school. I hope I get in! All I can do is pray, and prepare. And that is what I am doing. Pray for me. And someday I WILL become a teacher, if not now, later. I'll apply again if I don't get in, what have I got to lose?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Thankful Thursday

*When I sit back and think about the things that I am thankful for, I realize that I really am a lucky person. I shouldn't complain as much as I do, and I should probably thank God more often.

I am thankful for many things this Thursday.

I am so very thankful that my dad was quite talkative today. We talked the whole time I was making tacos for dinner. Which is quite a while for him. My mom and I use to talk on the phone all the time. I would call her after every class. I would call to tell her things, and she would call to tell me things. I would call to ask her how to cook things and she would call to remind me to clean my bathroom and make my bed. I miss those phone calls. But my dad is getting better. We are coming up with more things to talk about other than whats for dinner and if he fed the cats or not. Yesterday he made me talk to Stanley (my cat) over the phone. My mom made me do that all the time. I am so thankful that my dad is handling being home alone fairly well. He seems sad, but we are making it through it, I can't ask for more than that.

I am so thankful that Jerry is at Weber with me. Last year was so tough because I didn't know anyone here, and I was 200 miles away from Jerry. I am thankful for his help when it comes to taking out the trash and the recycling. I am thankful that he went to the gym with me today, it's nice to have some one to talk to while working out.

I am thankful for Weber's gym, which is huge! There are lots of things going on there all the time. I am thankful for my roommates who went to a Step Aerobics class with me yesterday. Hopefully we'll make it there every week. :)

I am also thankful that we have food to eat everyday and friends to share it with. We aren't starving college kids afterall. :)

I am thankful for my professors who are helping me a earn a degree. I am especially thankful for Kristen, my advisor, who has helped me in so many different ways.

I have had a few dreams about my mom this week. I love those dreams. I am so thankful for them, they are so real. I have a quote above my bed that says, "Believe in the Beauty of your Dreams." I believe that my mom is in my dreams for a reason. And for that, I am thankful.

Most of all, I am thankful for the memories I have of my mom. I remember her telling me to cut a tomato, which I was reminded today while making tacos. I remember her telling me how to clean the bathroom. I remember her teaching me as a child that lying is never okay, I am reminded of that every time I try to get out of certain situations by being dishonest.

"I am thankful to God from whom all blessings flow, and to my family and friends who enrich my life."
Author Unknown

Monday, September 7, 2009

A friend sent this to me.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season . LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thankful Thursday

*I am so thankful to have Jerry at Weber with me. It is so much easier being away from having him with me.

*I am thankful for my roommates. I am so grateful that they help keep the apartment clean and a nice place to be. They are amazing girls, and I am so glad I have them as a a part of my life.

*I am thankful to have Baillie to give me a relaxing pedicure. :) And to give Jerry a cute (short) hair cut.

*I am thankful for Katie, who calls me to tell me she misses me and that she loves me. Who could ask for a better best friend? I sure do miss her too.

*I am so very thankful for this life that I have been given and a God to lead me through it. A couple things have been tough for me this week, but eventually I know it will be okay.

*My Environmental Appreciation teacher told us today, crying, that his wife died six weeks ago from cancer. It made me cry, but helped realize that my dad and I aren't the only ones going through the pain of a loss. It also made me think:
When he told us that it had been six weeks since his wife died, I thought about how I felt six weeks after my mom died. And I know that at that point, I didn't want it to be real. I kept thinking of ways I could have stopped it if I could just go back in time. I didn't want to move forward, but I had no choice. Life was still going on around me. And everything else in the world was moving forward. Everyone says, "move on." But at this point I still don't feel ready to move on. I can't help but think of my mom everyday. I miss her so much. Although I don't cry as often, I find myself with a huge lump in my throat holding the tears in. Out of embarrassment, I don't cry in front of anyone but Jerry. I am thankful to have him to cry to. I hope that my teacher has someone that he finds comfort in. I will keep my teacher in my prayers.

*My dad seemed so sad today. So down in the dumps. I hate that there is nothing I can say to make him feel better. I can't just bring another women in his life to replace my mom, and in no way do I want to replace my mom. It isn't possible. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. She could always bring a smile to my face. Oh how I miss her so much. Luckily I will be home again with my dad for the three day weekend soon, and for that I am thankful..

*Rani let me know today that she had a doctors appointment, and her new diet has improved her health. No diabetic worries anymore. :) I am thankful to have a healthy *fill-in mom again. :)

*I am thankful to have a three day weekend ahead. :)

Remember, everything happens for a reason.