Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh the Memories

It's days like today that just thinking about old memories has me on the verge of tears. It has been a gloomy day. Jerry found out that his car is still broken, and he is thinking about selling it. Neither of us have heard from jobs and we rescheduled the meeting with the land lord. It's cloudy outside, and looks like it will probably rain.

I was going through my sent emails today, and found emails that my mom sent me. Just reading them makes me miss her, but I can hear her saying the things that she wrote. I miss having my mom send me emails, just to tell me hello, and that she missed me. I love that sweet Momma of mine and I will never ever ever forget how much she means to me. She was such a special lady.

Sometimes I wonder if other people think about their mom as often as I think about mine. I mean, when I really get down in the dumps, I talk to her. When I'm upset and Jerry asks me what's wrong, I tell him, "I just want my mom." Sometimes I talk to her. Sometimes I tell her to make me study. There are times when I question what she is doing at that very minute. There are times that I wonder what she would say about things like, the little house Jerry and I want to move into or the grades I am getting. I go to weddings and can't help but think how hard it will be for me to get married without my mom, in fact sometimes just thinking about having a wedding ceremony makes me consider not having one, because I know it will be so emotional...yet I still want one. I think about my mom when I am buying stuff for my soon-to-be niece Kimber. She would be so stinkin' excited about it.

I think about her everyday. And it's days like today, that I wish she was here so we could just talk, or for her to give me a hug and kiss me on my forehead. I wish she was here to tell me what Stanley and B were doing. I miss her.

While I was in France, my mom wrote me this message. I found it today, it sure is special.

Hi Colie
I am at work and I downloaded incredimail so when you e-mail me today I will get an instant message so I can e-mail you back so watch for my reply. We had Easter Dinner at Richards it was good just the Grandma and the son were there no Dee. B & Stanley slept outside last night. It is going to be over 50 degrees here today! You should get some perfume for Dad he is all out. Well have you been sleeping in your own bed? Or who do you share with. How is the food? Bring me a decoration. Love you lots!
MOMClick Me!

This was dinner right after I got home from France. She was so excited for me to be home. It was the most time that we had ever spent apart.
I miss her.


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3 comments:

  1. I love reading your blog Nicole! I cant even imagine what it would be like to not have your mom there. Im sorry you had to go thru such an aweful ordeal..and you are such a positive person still (or at least you seem that way online??? lol) Oh and I hope you and Jerry get that house, and jobs that will pay you 30 bucks an hour just to sit on your booty's and watch tv! (and then put a good word in for me) lol but really, you two are so cute together!
    Cheer Up Nicole! The sun will come out soon!

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  2. Nicole....
    I can't imagine what all you have went through, but i know that it has been hard. You are such a strong person now that you have went through this! Becoming strong however sometimes takes losses and decisions... i know that now more than ever after giving my daughter up for adoption. One thing you should know is that not only did you love your mom but she loved you and thought of you all of the time. Now that i am a mom i know that moms never stop thinking and loving their babies! When you have a day that gets you down as we all do remember that!!! Your mom is always watching over you, thinking of you, and loving you!
    -Valeire

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  3. Everybody falls sometimes
    Gotta find the strength to rise
    From the ashes and make a new beginning
    Anyone can feel the ache
    You think it’s more than you can take
    But you are stronger, stronger than you know
    Don’t you give up now
    The sun will soon be shining
    You gotta face the clouds
    To find the silver lining

    I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
    Hope that doesn’t ever end
    Even when the sky is falling
    And I’ve seen miracles just happen
    Silent prayers get answered
    Broken hearts become brand new
    That’s what faith can do

    It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
    Impossible is not a word
    It’s just a reason for someone not to try
    Everybody’s scared to death
    When they decide to take that step
    Out on the water
    It’ll be alright
    Life is so much more
    Than what your eyes are seeing
    You will find your way
    If you keep believing

    I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
    Hope that doesn’t ever end
    Even when the sky is falling
    And I’ve seen miracles just happen
    Silent prayers get answered
    Broken hearts become brand new
    That’s what faith can do

    Overcome the odds
    You do have a chance
    (That’s what faith can do)
    When the world says you can’t
    It’ll tell you that you can!

    I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
    Hope that doesn’t ever end
    Even when the sky is falling
    And I’ve seen miracles just happen
    Silent prayers get answered
    Broken hearts become brand new
    That’s what faith can do
    That's what faith can do!
    Even if you fall sometimes
    You will have the strength to rise

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