She Flew up to Heaven by the Wings of Angels

As I was driving out to my dad's shop today I thought a lot about my mom. I thought about the last time we really spent time together. The weekend before she passed away I came home Thursday because I needed to observe some elementary school classes for an assignment I had. I got to eat lunch with her that day, and we bought some bras together. :P On Saturday of that weekend we got our nails done, made dinner and just hung out together all day!! On Sunday of that weekend we cleaned the house and Jerry and I helped her put the blinds up. My dad was mowing the lawn when I got ready to go back to Ogden. I went out and told him goodbye, and came back in to tell my mom goodbye. I remember it exactly and it makes me cry just thinking about it. She was standing next to the banister next to the stairs, I gave her a hug and she told me not to spend too much time at Jerry's house before I left. She told me she loved me...I told her I loved her and then I went over to Jerry's house, Candice and Brett were there and we spent sometime stacking Love Sacs on top of each other and jumping on each other. It was a lot of fun. Then my mom called to see if I had left yet, I told her no, and that I would leave right then, and I did. I was about 5 miles north of Morgan when my mom called to see if I had made it there yet. She was doing laundry and we talked for a few minutes before she told me she would call me that night before she went to bed and then hung up. That was the last time I talked to her. Ohhh how I wish she would have called me that night before she went to bed, or I wish I would have called her. We did get to spend an amazing last weekend together. I wish I could relive that weekend for a while.
I miss her a lot, so much, everyday. I always think thoughts in my head like, "Well I'll just take it back, I will never let that happen." It's like I forget that she ACTUALLY is gone, and I think it's just a bad thought, a bad dream...a nightmare. But the truth of it is, it is real! I won't see her for another 80 years, (I have promised myself I am going to live to be 100) when I die and meet my mom in Heaven.
I have always believed that people who believe in God will live longer. (I.E The Pope, Gordon B. Hinkley and my Grandpa) I use to tell my mom this and she would say, "They have something to live for." I pray lots, love my family and friends and give myself something to live for. Because I am going to live to be 100.
My mom use to always tell us that because her mom and dad didn't live to be over the age of 65 she wouldn't either. I never want to cut my self short. I AM going to live to be 100!! :) And I have my mom watching over me! =)
If there is anything that my mom would want us to learn from this it is:
*1. Never forget to call when you say you will, you never know when we won't have the chance to call the people you love anymore.
*2.Always tell the person you love that you love them.
*3.Cherish everyday as if its your last, because it just might be.
*4. Give your self something/someone to live for.
*5. Don't limit your self, tell yourself you ARE going to live to be 100, not a day less.
"She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angelsBy the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitingAnd I know she's smiling sayingDon't worry 'bout me" -Sissy's Song By Alan Jackson

All You Need Is Love!

In the midst of sitting at desk from 8-5, I decided office work is not for me. Sure, I appreciate it, who wouldn't at a time like this. I'm lucky to have a job. But I am simply using this job to get myself through another semester of college. 5 more semesters and I'll have a degree, it sounds amazing. I have never been more sure, I want a job I love. I don't want it to be a chore to go to work everyday. I don't want to dread 5 days out of every 7 days of a week. I want to thrive, I want to have fun, and I want to make a difference. What better way is there to spend a day than teaching kids filled with enthusiasim and imagination. Deep down, I think that's who I am too. Just a kid. I often think about the day that I will have my own classroom, and 20 or so kids looking up to me. I can't wait. There isn't one aspect of teaching that I dread. I can't wait for recess, ABC's, summer, Chirstmas and Spring break, kids who look up to me, and maybe even one kid who might bring me an apple? haha. The truth of it is, this office job isn't for me. It's far too quiet, far too boring, far too lonely. Some people love that, and I admire them, but it's just not for me.

In other news:

*We are going to see my sister tomorrow, I can't wait.

*I'm so glad the weekend is here! In fact I only have 36 minutes left of work.

*Only 2 more weeks of online classes! :):):):)

*I have spent the day, doing homework, myspaceing and facebooking.

*A magazine for my mom was delieved to her work today, gosh I miss her.

*The Michael Jackson freenze is close to over???!!

*I want to do something fun tonight, but Jerry has to work on Taylor's car so the chances of a fun night are slim to none.

*Tomorrow is my cousins birthday, I am going to make them dinner tonight so that they can cook it tomorrow!

I hope you have a happy, fun weekend! Remember how blessed you are to see another beautiful day! :)

" There's nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy." -The Beatles, All You Need Is Love

But what if he's a killer?

This weekend Jerry, my dad and I are going to visit my sister. Oh man I sure do love her! Her boyfriend is coming to visit and this will be the first time we will meet him. I will have to make sure he is not a killer. ;) Let me tell you a quick story about that. [[A few years ago, after my sister had broken up with (what my parents had though was the perfect, respectable) boy she had hooked up with a new guy, Trent. They had bought a new truck, moved in together and had plans to get married. My mom found that the only problem was...she had never met him. Rumors around work, in town and from anyone who could spread them left a bad taste in her mouth. She would always tell us, "What if he's a killer or something?" We would laugh but then she should go on to say, "I'm her mom, it's my job to make sure she is with the right guy." It was sad because she was very serious and wanted to make sure my sister only had the best boyfriend/soon to be husband possible. Soon the wedding was off, and they broke up. The grandkids (my sister's dogs) we're split up and now have only an occasional visitation.]]

Now....I feel that my mom would want me to take over to make sure he isn't a killer and to make sure he is the right guy. And I'll do that. From what I've heard I'm sure he'll pass. :)

Pray

Today my boss is out of town. As a result, my blog got new clothes. :)


Micheal Jackson's funeral yesterday made me cry. Why? I think mostly because it reminded me so much of my mom. Everyone was so sad because they lost The King, I was sad because I lost my momma. Death is such a very sad thing, but I have faith this isn't it. There has to be more. It sounds pathetic, but with as many people who believe in god, Jesus, Buddha....what ever it may be, there has to be some truth to it. There is a higher power out there, I trust that. So I continue to pray, more than ever. I pray for my dad more than anything. I pray for my friends, Jerry, soldiers, my family, Barack Obama (because I want him to suceed), I pray for my self, and I pray in particular for anyone who happens to pop into my head. I've been praying for a long time, all my life. But I [[really]] pray now, I mean what I say. Justine and I use to pray at football games, we would pray to make the cheer squad, perhaps pray to learn our cheers...I'm afraid she's lost hope. I pray for her lots too. :) (Love you Lady!)

Anyway the work day has 2 minutes to go and I need to clean up. I'll pray for you today. :)

Happy Independence Day!

Sheesh. Look at those faces.

I am so glad I that I live in America. I'm thankful for all those who have fought and protected our country. I am proud to say that I am American, and I live in country where freedom is thriving.

Today Jerry and I took my dad to the Valley to go to a wedding. We left him and a friend there while we came back to Evanston and hung out with Jerry's family. We ate dinner, hung out and lit off fireworks. Which brings me to my next point. Evanston is definately the best place to be on the 4th of July. There are so many fireworks. So many people. So much color, smoke and smell. It is amazing and unlike anywhere else in the world. We sat on the rooftop and watched everyones fireworks. Truely amazing. As I watched the fireworks today I thought a lot about my mom. I miss her so much, it's hard to believe it has been 8 months since she passed away. I wish she was still alive. Sometimes I think, maybe it really is just a dream, man, woudn't that be nice? I want her back, I want her hug. I love you momma!

I made a decision today that I never want my life to be overcomed with addiction, whether it is alcohol, cigaretts, drugs, gambleing....anything. I don't want to loose control over my life. I don't want to need something to make me happy and to satisfy my life. I worry so much about the people I see around me that are so addicted to things they have truely lost control.

Anyway, I hope that you all had a happy 4th of July!!

Happy Weekend!

Have an incredible, patriotic, joyful weekend!

[[*Today you are You, and that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."]] Dr. Seuss

Zero Motivation

I want to have the 4th of July weekend free, mostly by free I mean I don't want to worry about my online classes. They take up so much of my time, and I am to the point that I don't even want to look at the computer anymore. I have so many things to get done today and tomorrow, including an essay, unit test, videos and powerpoints to watch for political science. And I need to read another chapter, take a quiz and write on a discussion board for Sociology. I keep debating whether or not I should start my essay. But the essay questions are so hard. And I am clueless about all three of them. :( It's summer and I want to be outside!!

On a brighter note, I only have 26 more days of online classes. I got so sun burnt this weekend, but it is finally starting to feel better. I am excited for the 4th this weekend. It should be fun, and hopefully we will be going out on the boat on Sunday.

**Have a good Wednesday and first day of July!!

[[“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”]] ~Dr. Seuss