I'm so incredibly scared.

I'm on the verge of tears. I am so incredibly nervous to go to this interview. Oh I hope everything goes okay. I hope I don't screw it up. It's suppose to snow today, and it has already started in the mountains. I am just so petrified, scared out of my wits and shaky.

Here goes nothing.

Wednesday's the day!

The final step of the application process is tomorrow! Tomorrow it is!!! I will meet with 3 advisers for an interview. [[Does that sound like the scariest thing you could possibly think of??? I think so!!!]] I also have a 2 page paper due tomorrow that must explain my reasoning for choosing the education field, and any past teaching experiences I have encountered. I am so incredibly nervous. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. It's so so scary!!! My biggest fear is the chance that they will ask me something, and I will have no idea what to reply. :S Oh sheesh, wish me luck. If it's luck I need. Or...pray for me, yes do that. Pray my nerves don't get the best of me. I pray too, I pray that I can prove to these random three individuals in which I have never met, that I can be the teacher I want to be so badly. Whew, here goes nothing. What have I got to lose?

Dare to dream, dare to try, dare to fail, dare to succeed.

Thankful Thurday

As usual, you don't realize how lucky you truly are until you sit down and list the things you are thankful for.

This Thursday I am thankful for:

* My special dad. No one could ask for a better friend, hero, dad and advice giver. When ever I need someone to tell me I can do it--he's there!

* Rani, who has scheduled a wellness check up for me tomorrow. Although I am not looking forward to the appointment, and getting my blood drawn, I am thankful for the health care that I am able to receive and the health insurance that allows such health care to be affordable.

*And while talking about the subject, I am thankful that our government is working toward a socialized health care system. I can just imagine how excited my mom would be!! All my life she would tell me about socialized health care systems, she always believed that's what America needed.

*I am thankful for my beautiful sister, who texts me to tell me she loves me, even though she is very busy.

*I am thankful for a sweet lady who I met through blogger. She is a special lady with a big heart. It's amazing how people come into your life at just the right time.

*I am thankful for Jerry. What an amazing boyfriend he is. He meets me after class, walks me to other classes, helps me make dinner and even helps me clean up. :)

*I am thankful for all of you who pray for my dad and I. I know God is listening. :)

*And forever, I am thankful for my beautiful guardian angel in Heaven!

So often we dwell on the things that seem impossible rather than on the things that are possible. So often we are depressed by what remains to be done and forget to be thankful for all that has been done.
-- Marian Wright Edelman

All things considered...

As Jerry and I began our regular Sunday trek of 76 miles from Wyoming to Utah I noticed that he was very quiet. He wasn't talking and he wasn't singing, which is quite unusual for Jerry. So I asked him, "are you okay?" He replied, "yes." So I continued, "are you angry?" "No" "Are you sad?" "No" Finally I asked,"are you happy?" "Yes" he said. Just to keep the conversation going I asked, "Are you really happy?" He said, "no." I asked why, and he explained he was a little sad because he worked on his car today and it didn't turn out like he wanted. The quietness took over the car again and I began to think. What does it mean to be happy? How do we assess whether we are truly happy or not? Do we pull out a scale, placing the things we are happy about on one side, and the things we are unhappy about on the other? Once the scale finally balances, if the happy side hangs lower than the unhappy side we consider our selves happy? Of course none of us have scales, and we are unable to physically weigh our emotions and experiences. But happiness is important. Everyone wants to be happy. We work our whole live to make our self happy, or to make others happy. We go to college, to get a job that will make us happy. We fall in love because that special someone makes us happy. We buy the expensive car that we have always wanted. We wear trendy clothes and buy things we can't afford We watch comedies because they make us laugh. We do all of this in an attempt to make ourself happy. Is happiness really all that important?

Should the focus of our life be happiness? Should we spend the remainder of our lives searching for happiness? Or should our lives be spent helping others find happiness in their journey? The truth is I have no idea. I know that making other people happy, makes me happy. I feel that it is well worth it to improve someone's day with a laugh or a hug. I believe God has a plan for us, he puts people in our lives to make us happy, to make us appreciate the life we have been given and to help others find happiness. But I think there is more to life than finding material things that we believe will make us happy. There is something within us. A true happiness, that can not come from material things, jobs or even money. It is within the relationships and lessons learned where this true internal happiness lies. At this point in my life I feel that I have achieved this happiness within myself. Even when things go wrong, I know everything will be okay, it will be better in the morning and I always have that happiness inside of myself. I hope that you too, find yourself truly happy. I hope your scale is loaded with happiness and is spared all unhappy things. :)

Don't worry, be happy.

In other news: Other than the CAPP test that I had to take, this weekend was a good one. Rani and I decorated my mom's grave for Fall. It turned out so pretty. I know she likes it. :) I also decorated my house so that my dad could enjoy the decorations as well. :)

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

*Albert Camus

Thankful Thursday

Today is a good day to be thankful. I have been a little grumpy, and 'complainy' this week. It is nice to think of the things that I am thankful for, to remind myself that I am a pretty lucky girl after all. :)

As always, I am thankful for my beautiful guardian angel in Heaven. I am thankful that she protects me everyday and helps me to make good decisions.

I am thankful today especially because while turning in my teaching application I didn't have to turn in my WWCC transcript which reveals the D's in which I regretfully have on my untransfered transcript.

I am thankful for the movie which will be played outside my room very soon. I have a perfect view from my bed. Stadium seating, complete with surround sound. Instead of sitting on the cold grass, we will be sitting on my warm bed. I am ever so thankful for this warm bed. :)

I am thankful for Shake and Bake, which made our dinner delicious tonight. :P

I am thankful for Facebook, which allows me to keep in touch with my friends that are spread all over Wyoming and Utah.

I am thankful for the beautiful mountains in my backyard. I have the most beautiful view from my dorm room. :) If I could build a house right here, and live here for the rest of my life, I most definitely would.

I am thankful that the oil field is picking back up, and my dad is getting more and more work everyday.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
-- Oprah Winfrey

College field trip :)

Today for our Environmental Appreciation class, Jerry and I went on a field trip (yeah I know, I didn't know there were field trips in college either), with the people from our class as well as some others. We went up into the mountains and talked about all sorts of things. We stopped many places like, Rockport Dam, The Provo River, Bald Mountain and Lilly Lake. At each place one of the teachers would teach us something, one of them taught us about Algae, another taught us about having a wilderness experience, another one taught us about regaining power and one lady taught us about the Autumn leaves. There were other lessons, all of which were quite interesting. I am glad we went. I really wish there was someway that we could preserve nature as we know it. Sadly, our environment is being ruined. What a beautiful world we live in, let's protect it. :)

Lilly Lake
Jerry. :)
Bald Mountain
Beautiful
My teacher.

Clouds over Coalville early this morning.

He was very compassionate about Algae.

The Provo River.

Maybe being a hobo wouldn't be so bad?

So this is the week! This is the week that my teaching application is due. This is the week that I have to take the CAPP test. This is the week that I have dreaded since the beginning of my college career. And.....this week has made me sick, this week has made me stressed beyond belief, this week has made me angry. Maybe my self confidence is so low that, I just think I am going to fail. Or maybe, God is preparing me for a huge letdown....or maybe, just maybe, God is preparing me for the biggest celebration of my life. Oh I hope that is it! I want to be a teacher more than anything in the world. I am so worried about my Western Wyoming Transcript and the D's that appear on it because I failed to drop the classes that I decided not to finish. I am so worried about the huge test in which I have to complete. I am so worried that during my interview the advisers will decide, "maybe next time." It is hard for me to calm myself down and realize that everything happens for a reason. I just wish I knew someone from my class that is applying, however, all of them are waiting until next semester, or next year. I barely have enough credits to apply, because I took a few college courses during high school. I hope I get in! All I can do is pray, and prepare. And that is what I am doing. Pray for me. And someday I WILL become a teacher, if not now, later. I'll apply again if I don't get in, what have I got to lose?