Wreaths

I have decided to sell handmade wreaths in an attempt to raise money for our wedding. I am willing to create any type of wreath for any season or holiday. Also, I can include a letter to present last name or a cross in the middle of the wreaths. Here are a few pictures!

Let me know if you would like a wreath, they are $35 or $45 with extra embellishment such as a letter or cross. I am willing to deliver them in Evanston, or anywhere around Ogden. :)

You can email me at nicolelinn@mail.weber.edu for more information.

Yesterday, while sitting at work, I watched a baby sleep and I thought;

I thought about my first 3 days of school so far.

I thought about my first year of college.

I thought about my mom dropping me off at my dorm, getting it all set up, and leaving me there, alone. And then coming back the next day because she missed me so much already.

I thought about my mom dying. I thought about the call that I received from my dad asking me if the dorms were unlocked because he was there. I knew something was wrong, I knew that something was definitely wrong for my dad to be meeting me at my dorm at 7:30 on a Monday morning.

I went to unlock the outside doors of the building only to meet him at the elevator. We got on the elevator and the door closed. And it was then that my dad gave me the worst news of my life. I shook my head, I cried and I said "no" time after time.

On November 10, 2008, I had only been at Weber for a little over 2 months. And on November 17, I went back to school.

And as I sat yesterday, watching that baby sleep. I thought to myself.

"What was I thinking, going back to school 7 days after my mom's death?"

"Why in the world did I go back to school 3 days after laying my mom to rest?"

Well, maybe it was because my body was in too much shock. The death of mom wasn't real.

Or maybe it was because laying in bed crying would do more harm than it would good.

And it wasn't until I walked out of my math class, getting my phone from my pocket and calling my mom, that I realized that my life has forever been changed.

Yesterday, as I watched that baby sleep, I missed my mom.

I could only think of how proud she would be of me. I can only imagine what she would tell people about her daughter in college.

I thought about my wedding planning without my mom, my best friend. And I know that she would be sad to miss it.

But I don't think that anyone is sad in Heaven. I don't think that they miss out on anything. I'm sure that she is rooting for me in heaven, and giving me advice for my wedding in my thoughts and hopes.

But in so many ways, I miss my momma. I miss having someone who I trust in every aspect. I miss having someone call to make sure I'm okay and to give me advice on how I should properly clean my toilet. I miss having her ask me for a 'poopoo', and I miss her tight hug and endless 'I love you's'. And that is something that no one can ever replace.

Our Wedding

Jerry and I have began planning our wedding.

Last weekend we went Grand Targhee Resort to look around. We loved it!

We have decided that it is going to be the place!

We were hoping to get married in June, but we found out that there would be too much snow in June. So we decided on July 7th, but when I emailed the guy, he said that there was already a wedding scheduled for that day. Now we are waiting to hear back from him on the other dates that we will be able to plan for sure.

Look how beautiful!

I have been trying to pick colors for the wedding, but I have been having a hard time. And Jerry isn't any help, sometimes he has a giant opinion, and other times he doesn't care at all. I'm not sure what I would prefer.

As of now, I have it down to two options, tell me what you think.

Option number one-

Everyone wears black and white. Center pieces and flowers will be pink and green, like this. :)

Option number two-

Neutral colors like brown and tan, with a light pink. More like this.....

Well tell me, what do you think?

B.

His name was Oliver B. Oxen Free. You know, Ollie Ollie Oxen Free?

But we called him B.

It was Christmas time, when I was fifteen years old. My mom kept telling me that she was getting the best Christmas present for me! I knew that she had been looking on the internet, so I spied and looked online. The site that she was on was KSL. I could only wonder what special Christmas present that I would be getting from KSL, the possibilities were endless.

On Christmas eve my mom, dad and Richard drove to Provo, UT to pick up my special gift. That night when my mom got home, she called and told me to come see my present, I thought I was getting a car! I walked out of my room to find a tiny kitten in a wicker basket.

He was a pure bred Siamese cat. The cutest little kitty I had ever seen. I was so excited, my very own cat. I considered many names for him, Oswald, Harry, Theodore but finally, my mom and I picked Oliver.

I love him more than anything! I would sleep with him, and cry with him. And my mom would ask him, "B, you want a sagey? (massage) He would run to her bed and roll over. My mom would give him a neck massage as he laid on his back. He loved her and she loved him.

When I left for college, leaving Oliver and Stanley was just as hard as leaving my parents. My mom would send me pictures of the cats laying on my bed.

Unfortunately, today 7 years later, my dad called to tell me that he had found B dead. :( I was devastated, and could only think of B bonking his head on the coffee table as he always did. I thought about his cute little meow, and the way he would nudge me to pet him.

I loved that cat, almost as much as I love Jerry. I am going to miss him, but I can picture my mom giving B a massage in Heaven.

I'm going to miss you Oliver B, I love you kitty cat!

Just a little wake up call. :)

Because he's my dad.....

Well I know it's a day late, but it's never too late to brag about your dad. So let me tell you a little bit about my dad.

He has always pushed me to do my best. I remember times that I would bring home a report card with all A's and one A- and he would want to know why I didn't get an A in that class. But I always knew he was proud of me.

He has always worked so hard to make sure that I had everything!

He has been my best friend my entire life, and I know that he is always there for me.

He is my best advocate, and sticks up for me in every situation.

I remember one time when I was little I was taking a bath and I lathered my hair up with shampoo, and sticking it all to the top of my head so that it would look like I had short hair. I stood up to look in the mirror and I was so surprised to see just how much I looked like him.

My dad loves to tell me stories about his childhood.

He thinks that he is a pretty funny guy, and often laughs at his jokes when no one else is.

My dad is one of the smartest people I know. Whenever I have a question that no one else can answer, I know he will either know the answer, or make up a believable one.

When I was in Elementary school he would always get excited for the science fair, and [WE] would always get first place. :)

He loves me unconditionally, and I know that whenever I need him he will be there.

In so many ways my dad and I are alike. We don't like to talk to people on the phone, we don't like to be around big crowds of people we don't know, we love our family and we love each other.

My dad is my hero.

I love him!

June 17th

Happy Birthday mom. I wish you were here to celebrate. I would drive to Evanston, just to see you on your birthday. I would make you German chocolate cake, and Kimber would come to visit. I can see you dancing to Simply Red, that would be playing loud in the back ground. You would have shorts on, because it would be a hot day. You would be so happy because everyone you love would be there to visit. At work you would eat cake and dad would send you flowers. And you wouldn't even mind that you were turning 53 years old, because you never looked a day over 30.

You would hold Stanley and B, kissing them on their neck as they purr. You would laugh and smile at your beautiful grand daughter. And I would look at you, smiling, knowing that I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my mom.

But because you aren't here, physically, to celebrate your 53rd birthday, we will celebrate your life, and the legend you left behind. We will spend the weekend, camping in "Winnie" our old motor home, and hanging out on "The Woman," our boat that we named after you. Not a minute will go by that we won't watch for you in the sky, and we will tell stories of your life. But most of all, we will be happy, because I know that more than anything, you would want us to be happy, especially on your birthday.

Never a day goes by that we don't think of you. You are a precious piece of our hearts and always will be. I love you mom, and I miss you more than words can tell. I can't wait to see you again someday.

Happy Birthday Momma!

I love you.

Cole

My job and my career.

I can't say that I love everything about my current job.

I wouldn't even say that the job I have now is something that I would enjoy doing for the rest of my life.

There are moments when I would rather flip burgers at Mc Donalds. And there are moments when I question my future career that I have spent 3 years so far preparing for.

There are several times EVERY day that I shake my head in disbelief. And there are times that I want to give up and walk away.

Certain situations put me right back in my childhood, others make me wish I was still there.

Patience and smiles have to be plentiful all.day.long. And not a day goes by that I don't tie shoes, wipe noses or kiss boo boos.

I get home from work, to tell Jerry about the kids, the funny things they say, the fights they get in to, the questions that they ask.

"Why is my shadow following me? And why is it black?"

There are times when, "Miss Nicole" is the last thing I want to hear.

But never a day goes by that there isn't a moment that makes me think ((that's why I want to work with kids.))

I smile all day long. I laugh all day long. I get drawings and hugs all day long.

Every day that I am at the daycare, especially the days that I work with the school age kids, I learn more and more. I learn what to do, and even more, I learn what not to do.

Everyday I spend 8 hours with kids that I won't know in 2 years, but to know that I had a part in their life means everything to me.

Who knew a minimum wage job would be worth so much more?

We Build Our Life

We are born, and from that point forward, we live to survive. Everything we do, is to stay alive. we help others, stay alive. We raise children, and keep them alive.

Yet there is more to this life other than living, other than keep our self alive, there is more than keeping our body healthy. And maybe it is because as humans, we are intelligent enough to feel love, to work hard, to create relationships, to have faith, to believe and to remember. We aren't a bug in the wind hoping to miss the next windshield on the interstate, if only bugs spend time to hope at all.

We remember our past, think of our future, work hard to create something out of this life....something worth remembering, worth looking forward to.

We spend countless hours living a life that may be minimal compared to what lies ahead of us after we die. If we spend eternity in heaven, our time in this place is minuscule.

Yet we spend so much time preparing for what is a 'perfect life' and what makes us happy.

And too often, we work for what is easy, for the things that makes us feel at ease. We try everyday to forget the things that make our heart hurt. We store in the back of our mind natural disasters on the other side of the world, lies that we should have never told, forgotten friends, loss of family, loss of faith and loss of self.

We spend so much of our time trying to make our self happy, but happiness is no more than the chance to live another day. The opportunity, as intelligent human beings, to love those who support us, stand by us.

Happiness is having someone by your side, keeping you alive. Someone who cares enough to see to it that you eat, that you sleep, that you wake up every morning to live another day. Happiness is living.

Summer is Here!

My summer break started over a week ago, and I have been loving it.

I have only been working 3 hours a day, so I have had a lot of free time. Free time in which I have, cleaned, scrapbooked, spent ridiculous amounts of time on Facebook, and looked for a new job.

I really love my job, and I love all those kids more than anything. But I am worried that they aren't going to need me to work full-time. Working part-time is great, but man I get bored....not to mention I could really use more money. I have been applying everywhere, hopefully something will come through.

On Thursday, my sister will be heading to Vegas, leaving The Princessa, with Jerry and I for 5 days. We are going to have a lot fun. And I hope that this is only the first of many trips she will make to spend a couple days with Aunt Coco.

Well, this is quite a boring post, as I have nothing good to blog about, so I will leave it at that.

Don't forget, Sunday is Mother's day! Kiss your momma for me!

One More Time: Just in Case

Since the day that I took my last final, my mom has been on my mind.

School has had me so caught up-

--caught up in my future

--caught up in my grades

--caught up procrastination.

I didn't have time to think about my mom, or the fact that I missed her more than I could ever imagine.

Last Thursday, I took my last final, I put my books away, and I listened to music that made me cry, because I missed my mom.

My aunts (my mom's sisters) were in town for my cousins graduation. Jerry and I spent time with them. And the next day, my dad, Penny, Jessica and Kimber joined us. My mom would have loved the opportunity to see everyone. And I know that she would be so proud of Lynndsey, one of few family members to graduate from college.

Well, I went to bed that night, happy....

happy to see my family,

happy to kiss my princessa,

happy to spend as much time as possible with family I hardly get to see.

But I missed my mom, and I missed her more than I have for a long, long time.

And it's a little weird, because Friday morning, Jerry sent me a text that said, "You should listen to the song, 'If Heaven Wasn't so Far Away.'

I told him that I had heard the song, and that I like it.

That night before we went to bed, I told him that I listened to the song, and it made cry. I told him I missed my mom. He understood, like he always does, and he gave me a hug...like he always does. He just knows me so well.

I enjoyed the weekend, loving my family, doing a little shopping and celebrating Lynndsey's graduation.

On Sunday, a FB friend put a link for this blog, http://www.mattlogelin.com....and I have been reading, and reading and reading blog posts that were posted over 2 years ago, in 2008 (the year that my mom died).

I recommend the blog to anyone.....everyone.

To make a long story short, the blog is written by a man who lost his wife only 27 hours after his daughter was born.

It has really made me think.

We don't have forever in this world. We don't always have another change to say 'I love you' or another chance to give a hug to those who we love most.

So, every night I have been hugging Jerry a little tighter, and one extra time, just in case.

I always make Jerry give me 3 kisses before we go to sleep, but lately it has been 6.

And I have even been telling everyone on my Facebook 'Happy Birthday'.

I just want to make sure, that when it comes down to my last day on this earth, my last day with my family, my last chance, that I won't leave one regret behind me.

There is just so much more to this life than having it all, there more to it than having more money than your neighbor, there is more to it than reality TV.

I'm going to give more hugs and kisses, just in case.

I'm going to say "I love you" more often, just in case.

I'm going to pray more often.

I'm going to do the things that make me happy, just because it makes me happy.

And I'm going to remember my mom, each and every day.

Back to Blogging

Well, I'm afraid to admit, I may never finish the 30 day photo challenge. It requires a lot of energy and commitment, how pathetic am I?

Well, nonetheless, tomorrow is the first day of finals week. I have been finding every excuse not to study. I have made peanut butter cookies, redesigned my blog, made banana bread, took a nap, convinced my self that I didn't need to study because I have all week, and finally now, I am writing a new blog post. I may regret that decision later this week, but for now, it seems to be okay. :)

I am looking forward to the upcoming days, weeks and months. My aunts and cousins will be here this week, for my cousin's graduation, and I can't wait to see them. I will be one semester closer to the end of the semester by Friday. And I look forward to all that summer will bring.

I hope that as the semester ends, I will have the opportunity to relax more, and hopefully that means that I will blog more. :)

Happy Sunday night my friends!

Jerry and I are watching the Wizard of Oz. :)

Day 16

Day 16 - A picture of someone you've been friends with the longest and still feel connected to.

The person I have been friends with the longest, aside from family, would have to be Kelsey. We went to Kindergarten together all the way until we graduated from high school. Even though we don't see each other often, we still remain friends, and I will always love her. :)

Day 15

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Well, let's see, some people might say they want to sky dive before they die, but I have no desire for that. Some would say they want to save the world, well I'd like to try.

Someday, before I die, I would like to go on a mission trip, where I would work to help someone. Maybe in Africa?? Only time will tell.... :)

Day 14

Day 14 - A picture of your favorite pastime.

When I think of my favorite past time, I immediately think of summertime, and Beak Lake. I love to be there and if I could be there everyday, I would be. :) I love it!

Day 13

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Hmmm. I guess, I can't really tell you who my favorite band or artist is, because I like so many, so much.

I like artists and bands like, Brad Paisley, Kenny Chesney, Rascall Flatts.

And I like Elton John, Billy Joel, The Beatles, Phil Collins and The Doors.

And there are so many more. I can't pick just one.

Day 12

So, I had to take a little break from my 30 days of pictures. Last week I had the flu, and a painful Ovarian cyst. Luckily, I am feeling much better now. I have had no motivation the last few weeks, not for school, not for blogging, not for anything. It is coming back slowly, thankfully.

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

There are lists and lists of the things that I love.

I love my cats, Stanley and B.

I love my family

.

I love the smell of a new book.

I love cotton candy.

I love babies. Especially my favorite Kimber Barrett Roberts.

I love to have a clean house.

I love to talk to my mom.

I love sleeping in.

I love talking about memories.

I love to go boating.

I love Saturdays.

I love to laugh.

I love my jeep.

I love being loved.

I love Kasey Kahne and Kyle Korver.

I love The Beatles, Elton John and Billy Joel.

I love school.

I love being outside.

I love figuring out a good math problem.

I love to make dinner.

I love to make people laugh.

I love to see Jerry smile.

I love my president.

I love Christmas.